Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Haters gonna hate.

I am not dead. Promise!! I swear between work, school, and my attempt at a social life I have barely enough time to sleep. But I figured I would do another post for ladies wanting to work in the lovely land of Hooters.

First things first, Hooters is a restaurant. They might hire pretty girls but at the end of the day it is a restaurant and you will be a waitress. Don't let anyone tell you people can treat you a certain way because you wear orange shorts and a tight shirt. I don't care if you wear a thong and pasties no one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself. So all these comments about how its all about boobs so expect assholes can stop because no its not. I still expect people to be decent. Rant ovaaaaa, sorry :)

Mkay, here goes. I cannot believe this needs to be said but alas it does. DO NOT COME ASK FOR A FLIPPING APPLICATION AT A 9 O CLOCK ON A FRIDAY NIGHT. OR SATURDAY, OR MOBDAY, OR SUNDAY, OR MAKEFREAKENBELIEVE DAY. Seriously though. It is a restaurant, when we are busy we will not go get you an application and on the off chance we do you will have to be Blake freaken Lively to get hired after behavior like that. I mean come on. You want to come in when its slow so you can fill out the app and have a manager do your on the spot interview for you. Monday through Thursday from 2-4 is when you should come. 3 o clock is that lovely golden time when there aren't many people in the building so there will be more time for an interview for ya!

Next thing, I see so many extremes come in every day that it is almost funny. Do not come in dressed in sweats and a t shirt. I'm not sure what job you would apply at looking like that but it is def not here. On the opposite side of that.. Do not come in looking like you just hopped off the slut bus from hoe town, skank USA. Heels are okay if you can walk in them, skirts are okay if you can comfortably sit without us all knowing your underwear preferences. Or lack there of. (Seriously girl came in the other day and flashed some hoo haa all over the place cuz Missie had a tissue sized skirt on.) Come in looking cute but classy. Hair town, tattoos covered up, and not a ton of jewelry on. Wear nude colored underwear so if you try on the uniform on the spot you can get your correct sizes.

Last thing for now, do not be a bitch to the girls there. We are the first people you go through you can bet we will pass along your pissy attitude to mister manager and it won't help you one bit.

Those are probably the most important things I can think of at the moment. If any of you HG's out there have anymore just comment below and let's hear em! Thanks for your patience with my shitty blogging skills :)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Basics of rocking being a Hooters Girl a.k.a. "how to be awesome"

Alright I have been getting a lot of questions about tattoos, sizes, and other things about being a HG so I figured a back to basics post was in order. I will also slip in a few 'dont be stupid' facts. Are you excited? Should be! I am divulging secrets to make you almost as awesome as me, well not secrets really but fun facts!

Here we go bitches.

Tattoos- okay I wish we were allowed to show tattoos but it doesn't go with our "wholesome yet sexy, girl next door' thing. Ive said it before and I will say it again. We want the girl next door not the slut from around the corner! Not saying tattoos are slutty (I have plenty myself.) We have to cover any tattoo up that can be seen in the uniform: wrists, arms, shoulders, neck etc. If you have tattoos that will show when you apply definitely cover them up to show your dedicated to getting the job and will conform to their rules. Yes it would suck having to cover a big arm tattoo up every day so think about how much you want this job. Any tattoo showing MUST be covered, no wiggle room on this. But that being said there are tons of HG's that have tattoos, but the beauty of make up allows them to pretend that they don't. Quite marvelous if you ask me.

Sizing- This can be a tricky one but here goes nothing. We have sizes from xxx-small through small. They translate pretty much from 00 through about a 6. Most stores don't carry mediums anymore, which sucks for our ladies with some junk in the trunk because with a booty these shorts are hard to manage. I would love to say it takes a special dance sacrifice to the gods and some wiggling to get into my shorts but alas they fit just fine. Boo. Those squats aren't paying off yet! But I was blessed in the boob department so I cant be too sad, well I can but I wont for right now. I am a 32DDD and I wear an xsmall so the tops have wiggle room too for sure. And yes it makes people mad we don't have bigger sizes but since we are legally entertainers Hooters can choose to employ whomever they want.

Applying- Alright bitches rant time. If you are applying at a place you know you have to be somewhat decent looking to work at then when you come in try to show you are pretty. Shocking I know! I cant tell you how many girls we get that come in wearing sweats or ratty t shirts, or something equally awful. And please oh please run a brush through your hair, sex hair is attractive to your significant other only. We don't want to see all that. On the flip side do not come in like you just got in on a one way flight from slutville and your bitch ass is the mayor. GIRLS NEXT DOOR NOT SLUT FROM AROUND THE CORNER.  We have no interest in seeing nipples peak out, or vag's playing peek a boo.

Hooters is a blast if you let it be! You just need to show you are willing to work for it and aren't expecting to get everything handed to you. Its hard work. Being s waitress is one of the hardest things to do. Now don't roll your eyes and say mean things about my mother just yet please. You have to deal with all sorts of people and be smiling the whole time. Always making sure you dont piss someone off can get tiring. But then you will meet those people that make going to work worth it. Those people who seem to understand that you are not a cook you do not decide how long food cooks or takes and does not take it out on you. Those people make it so worth it!

Alright that is all for now, just got off a double and I am tired! Bye bitches.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Any questions you want answered?

If you have any questions you want answered on here or personally email me and I will do my best to answer in a timely manner! No spam please.


First interview.

I wish there was some major secret I could impart on you all for acing your first interview but alas there is none. I do however have some tips that should serve you well. Im a trainer now I know these things. (Oh yeah did I mention im now a fancy corporate trainer?! Yeahh Im kind of a big deal)

1. Dont dress like a slut face if you dont want to be treated like a slutface. Yes its Hooters and boobs are necessary but honey tits hanging out is not attractive. Remember we want the girl next door, not the slut down the street.

2. Be genuine. Sounds obvious but do you realize how many girls we interview? Easily 2 a day, easily. Dont come in bragging about your fantastic skills at carrying ten plates and a glass on your head unless your prepared to deliver. On that note, yes do suck up. If its a female manager, maybe try to smoothly say how nice her hair looks and you wish you could do it like that. Dont make it fake though, if you think her hair looks like shit dont compliment it because odds are she knows it does and will think you are either a dirty liar or trying to get into her pants. Neither is hiring material. On the other hand with male managers if you can list every defensive linemans stats for your hometeam or know when the last goal scored during a powerplay (hockey sorry im obsessed) was then spout that shit.

3. From above, know sports. Nothing is more annoying then having to explain every little bit of a game to a new girl.

4. Style your hair. Do your make up. Give a fuck about how you look. Your boyfriend might think sex hair and smudged eyeliner is really hott but remember that whole next door girl versus  the slut down the street talk? Basically dont look like shit. You are obviously at least 18 if you can't do your makeup and hair maybe you shouldnt work somewhere that requires makeup and hair done everyday?

5. Do not be late. Bitch ten minutes early is on time, on time is late and late is motherfucking late. Do not show up late with some lame excuse about traffic and expect us to give two fucks. How do you think the rest of us got here? Flying cars? No but that would be fantastic.

That is all for now, ta ta bitches.

Dont be so grumpy.

Alright all you negative nancys. I will be forced to take off the anonymous being able to post is your just going to be grumpy about everything. I am not a writer and frankly never claimed to be, and no one is forcing you to read this so suck on that. :) everyone else...love you!

Oooops again?

Once again I am forced to apoligize for  my hiatus from the world of blogging...can you tell I  suck a big one at blogging?! Anywhoooo. The world of Hoots has been as exciting as ever, I think my most exciting accomplishment has been dropping a shorts size though! Yes I am now XXsmall bitches! Thats just like a 2-4 in real people clothes but let me enjoy this.

I am off to write some more for the masses now, remember..patience is a virtue.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

The sad story of mister douchefaces visit at hooters

Once upon a time mister doucheface walked into hooters......He had an undeserved swagger in his step and creepy sparkle in his eye as he looked upon us unlucky few to be standing at the front door when his douchiness entered. His sunglasses were taken off like he was on the end of some crappy runway and his collar was popped, cuz as most creepers know a popped collar is essential when goin' creepin. He takes a few seconds to ogle us because we obviously are there solely to please him and want nothing more than him molesting us in his mind. Then he prepares to wow us with his wonderful use of imagery and just plain awesome talk.

There was a funny look on his face and I was slightly concerned he might be having a seizure and started to panic a little bit, but then realized it was his attempt at a sexy face. Hey im sorry the twitching eye and tounge peeking out had me worried. You can imagine our relief when we realized no seizure was forthcoming, just the imminent loss of our panties to his holiness.

He boldly announces something no one has had success saying without getting a swift evil eye from hell. "I will take the hottest waitress here, oh and with the biggest tits. Gotta have some tits with my wings and beer." This was delivered with the expected wink and giggle. As you can imagine we were thoroughly charmed. It's not everyday that someone with such wit graces us with his presence. I mean what can't you love about such a sweet and endearing request? Well...more of an order but im just the help so what do I know.

So, I draw the short straw....er I mean have the honor of having him in my section. And what does mister doucheface say other than, "did you hear what I said at the front door? I wanted the hottest waitress." I was thoroughly shamed that one such as he would not deem me fit to serve his food. I apologized profusely for disappointing his highness and immediately went and fixed myself so I would be up to his standards.........you didn't believe that either? Crap not a good liar. I suppose I can tell how it truly ended now. After telling him in no uncertain terms that we are here to serve your food and only your food and couldn't give two fucks if you don't deem us pretty enough I proceeded to be a royal bitch throughout his whole meal. And I lived happily ever after :)

Really though. Bitches be trippin if they think that request will get them anywhere. Seriously what was the expected outcome of that? Want us to fall to the ground and beg for you to pick us? Cuz I can guarantee that will never happen, sorry to burst your douchey bubble :) havent seen him since...that's too bad cuz he gave us enough stuff to bitch about for a while!

Monday, January 7, 2013


I figured it was about time you a post on the regulars I have gotten in my lovely time here at Hooters. I wont write about everyone that comes into sir with me just some of my favorites or uh....creepiest!

First there is my old man, who most of the girls hate cuz his hugs last ten years and he has the kind of smile where you know some weird shit is going down in his head. But we have an understanding, or well I just told him if he didn't stop creeping I would not sure and talk to him anymore.what can I say, it's solid motivation to withhold my company from someone.he's not a crazy big tipper it's just nice to chat with him about his wife kids and what it was like when dinosaurs roamed the earth, he started that dinosaur business.I swear.

Then we have mister wanna be photographer. And I'm not gonna lie I hate his face. Soooooo much. He acts like an entitled little buttface and insists on "reforming" me. See he gets mad cuz I won't listen to him and sit with him and only him for hours on end.there is just something about someone giving me orders where I just let the bird fly and go from there. I get him his drink and food and that is where it stops, honestly why he sits with me is beyond me. Probably is hoping ill change my mind about letting him take pictures of me. I was hoping the fuck no was a clear enough answer, maybe not though.

Preacher man is one of my favorites. You wouldn't think a preacher would come into hooters would ya?! You would be wrong. He comes in once a week to see me and is so much fun to talk with. I've been trying to get him to come all decked out in his church gear but no such luck yet.

Then we have my book club ladies that come in every Thursday night or Wednesday night depending on if I work them. Yes I am quite amazing that people change their schedules around for me...rough life right? Anywho, they came in a few months ago and were the picture of awkwardness. Constantly looking around like they expected to be accosted with tits to the face. I think they were actually a bit disappointed with the lack of action honestly. We have this thing though where after they eat that we say everytime not sure exactly how it started just that we do. They tell me how awful the food was and I tell them it didn't look awful when they were stuffing their faces. Then they threaten to call to manager over and I will offer to go grab him. Seriously you should see other customers faces, they honestly think we're fighting and I think most want to defend the ladies! How rude! My favorite week they came in was 50 shades of grey week lol they thought it was your typical possessive man romance book....ha ha ha most definitely was a bit more than that.

Alright that seems like enough for now, ta ta :)

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Hooters tips so you dont suck at life

Alright I have a few minutes before I have to leave for work so I figured I would just do a quick tips post! Yes you are welcome.

When working at Hooters yes you have the chance to make more money than working at other restaurants but that depends entirely on how you act. If you act like mayor of slutville then you will be tipped accordingly, which will be next to nothing.Yes guys love it when girls flirt like crazy and hey who doesnt love an eyefull of tits? Well I dont but thats beside the point. If you act like you would drop your panties right there fuck yeah he will play aling and flirt back but you will get no tip cuz you have earned no respect. Trust me I  see this everyday. Alright mini rant over.

The key to making money here is having fun with your guests. Not sounding cocky but im a pretty outgoing person and not shy about much and love to make people laugh. That's my thing really. We have girls that are really sweet, girls that are smart, funny, and like I said the slut mobiles. I love having fun with my guests but I also do not take any shit from people. I will not allow anyone to talk down to me or talk inappropriately to me. Yes you may wear tight shirts but no one has the right to make you feel like crap.

Yes there are guys that will talk rude to you but when you call them on it 9 times out of 10 they will stop. Thats one lesson I really had to learn cuz I was  so worried about tips at first that I would never reprimand someone I would just let it go, but they definitely do not respect you more if you let them walk all over you.

Some tricks I have learned to break the ice and in turn earn more tips I will share with you.
-do not just walk and say my name is so and so what can I get for you? They will just see you as another server and you want to make them remember and relate to you as a person and not just the bitch bringing your food. One of my favorites isafter we have chatted for a while and im about to grab their drinks I will say 'hey my name is () if you need anything just hop on your chair and yell help! And ill be right over' or 'my name is () if you need anything just throw something at me and ill come right over'
-tease people. Honestly, it works. Who doesn't like having fun with their server? I will share a story in another post about a new girl trying to defend me when she thought some people were being mean when in truth it was just some regulars messing with me. But guys love when you give them shit, I was shocked to see how much my tips went up when I started giving shit to my tables. And I have a huge potty mouth and was worried tables would get mad but seriously people eat that shit up.
Of course you do have to read your table and see if they would like that, I would never talk to a couple the way I would talk to a few guys. You have to know your audience.

Okay I have to squeeze into my uniform ta ta for now!